County workers get 800 job cuts, supervisors get remodels

http://taxdollars.freedomblogging.com/2008/12/15/county-workers-get-800-job-cuts-supervisors-get-remodels/6012/

OCRegister.com - 800 may lose jobs at O.C. Social Services Agency

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/county-managers-cuts-2253280-mauk-budget

County CEO proposes 3 percent across-the-board salary cut

http://totalbuzz.freedomblogging.com/2008/12/09/county-ceo-proposes-3-percent-across-the-board-salary-cut/9896/

And That's How the Fight Started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And that's how the fight started....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Lite for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started....

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too!" And that's how the fight started….

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." My wife says, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And that's how the fight started....

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And that's how the fight started....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can
order for herself." And that's how the fight started..

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

> -------------------------
>
> BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
> time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
>
> JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
> because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and
> dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
> road...
>
> SARAH PALIN: BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS
> SORRY LIBERAL ASS OFF FOR BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA!
>
> HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
> that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes
> me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that
> every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to
> cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken
> crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on
> our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against
> us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
>
> DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
> COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can
> clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
> road.
>
> BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
> What is your definition of crossing?
>
> AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
> JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
> road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
> and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am
> not for it now, and will remain against it.
>
> AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some
> black chickens.
>
> DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
> won't realize that he must first deal with the problem
> on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on
> the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him
> realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
> current problems before adding new problems.
>
> OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
> problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.
> So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and
> take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
> this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road
> and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
> chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to
> the other side of the road.
>
> NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
> guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
> American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
> chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers
> Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
> level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
>
> DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
> with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
> crossed I've not been told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you
> people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the
> other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you
> eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott
> all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
> liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
> like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the
> road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
>
> GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken
> crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the
> road, and that was good enough.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few
> moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the
> first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a
> serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
> lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
> roads together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will
> not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
> documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is
> an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much
> more stable and will never crash.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
> did the road move beneath the chicken?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Saving Money

Specialty sites help you save money

10/11/2008

In these tough times, we’re all looking for ways to stretch our dollars. Gas prices are high, and the cost of food is increasing. Reducing luxuries may not be enough to help you meet your budget.

Fortunately, the Web can help us make the most of our dollars. Sites can find the lowest prices on items. Others provide good old coupons!

Price comparison sites

Some Web sites offer better prices than others. So, how do you find the best prices online? Price comparison sites!

Price comparison sites list prices from various stores. You don’t need to visit a number of e-tailers to find the best deals.

Three such sites are Pricegrabber.com, NexTag.com and Shopping.com. They are most helpful if you already know what you want to buy. Simply enter the item and in return, you’ll see a list of online retailers offering the product.

You can sort them by price or the stores’ ratings. Shoppers’ reviews determine the ratings. I’d rather pay a little more and buy from a well-rated store. Doing business with a disreputable store is no way to save money.

Don’t rely on positive reviews solely. Read the negative reviews to understand problems other shoppers have encountered. When you’ve made your decision, click through to purchase the product.

Or use this information to your advantage offline. Many brick-and-mortar stores will match or even beat prices found online. Take your best price to a store and ask to speak to a manager.

Coupon codes

Online stores don’t accept coupons, do they? Wrong! Many online stores like Amazon accept coupon codes. These are the electronic equivalent of coupons.

When you check out, you simply enter the code. The price is automatically adjusted to reflect your savings.

Coupon codes often give you free shipping. But, some coupon codes will give you 10 percent or more off your order.

Retailers usually offer coupon codes to loyal customers. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t take advantage of them.

Retailers know that coupon codes may be shared with others. They see this as a way to draw in new customers.

A number of sites list coupon codes. Try CouponCabin.com, RetailMeNot.com and CurrentCodes.com. Enter the name of a retailer to find applicable coupons. Or, browse by retailer category. You may even find printable coupons that can be used at local stores.

Local coupons

These days, you’ll find a wide range of products online. Even food and other household products are available. But you will want to buy perishables locally. Fortunately, Web sites offer coupons you can use locally.

Your first stop should be your local newspaper’s site. You can find advertising circulars, just as you would in the newspaper. Some sites even offer coupons you can print out. Redeem them at local businesses.

Google also has incorporated local coupons into Google Maps. However, they can be difficult to find. So, try a special link that will list the coupons available in your area. You can search through the coupons to find ones that will help you.

These aren’t the only places you’ll find coupons that can be used locally. A number of sites feature printable coupons.

Valpak is an instantly recognizable name in coupons. On Valpak.com, you’ll find coupons in a variety of categories.

Begin by entering your ZIP code. A list of coupons will appear, separated by category. Categories include auto, beauty, food and restaurant coupons. Click a coupon to view it. If you want use it, print it. Redeem it at the local business.

Other sites to try are CoolSavings.com and WOW-Coupons.com.

 

 

 

 

This is a awesome story…

Oct 05, 2008
The Norwegian newspaper VG has reported a truly amazing story about a newly-wed trying to get to Norway to be with her husband, and the stranger who helped pay an unexpected luggage surcharge. The blog 'Leisha's Random Thoughts' has translated the story.
It was 1988, and Mary Andersen was at the Miami airport checking in for a long flight to Norway to be with her husband when the airline representative informed her that she wouldn't be able to check her luggage without paying a 100 dollars surcharge:


When it was finally Mary's turn, she got the message that would crush her bubbling feeling of happiness.
-You'll have to pay a 103 dollar surcharge if you want to bring both those suitcases to Norway, the man behind the counter said.


Mary had no money. Her new husband had travelled ahead of her to Norway, and she had no one else to call.
-I was completely desperate and tried to think which of my things I could manage without. But I had already made such a careful selection of my most prized possessions, says Mary.


As tears streamed down her face, she heard a 'gentle and friendly voice' behind her saying, 'That's okay, I'll pay for her.'


Mary turned around to see a tall man whom she had never seen before.


-He had a gentle and kind voice that was still firm and decisive. The first thing I thought was, Who is this man?
Although this happened 20 years ago, Mary still remembers the authority that radiated from the man.
-He was nicely dressed, fashionably dressed with brown leather shoes, a cotton shirt open at the throat and khaki pants, says Mary.


She was thrilled to be able to bring both her suitcases to Norway and assured the stranger that he would get his money back. The man wrote his name and address on a piece of paper that he gave to Mary. She thanked him repeatedly. When she finally walked off towards the security checkpoint, he waved goodbye to her.
Who was the man?


Barack Obama.


Twenty years later, she is thrilled that the friendly stranger at the airport may be the next President and has voted for him already and donated 100 dollars to his campaign:


-He was my knight in shining armor, says Mary, smiling.
She paid the 103 dollars back to Obama the day after she arrived in Norway. At that time he had just finished his job as a poorly paid community worker* in Chicago, and had started his law studies at prestigious Harvard university.


Mary even convinced her parents to vote for him:
In the spring of 2006 Mary's parents had heard that Obama was considering a run for president, but that he had still not decided. They chose to write a letter in which they told him that he would receive their votes. At the same time, they thanked Obama for helping their daughter 18 years earlier.


And Obama replied:
In a letter to Mary's parents dated May 4th, 2006 and stamped 'United States Senate,

Washington DC', Barack Obama writes:

'I want to thank you for the lovely things you wrote about me and for reminding me

of what happened at Miami airport. I'm happy I could help back then, and I'm delighted

to hear that your daughter is happy in Norway. Please send her my best wishes.

Sincerely, Barack Obama, United States Senator'.


The parents sent the letter on to Mary.
Mary says that when her friends and associates talk about the election, especially when race relations is the heated subject, she relates the story of the kind man who helped out a stranger-in-need over twenty years ago, years before he had even thought about running for high office.


Truly a wonderful story, and something that needs to be passed along.



Happy Friday!



nan@brainybetty

Obama's Random Act of Kindness - Urban Legends

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Bloglines - RadioShack offers gift cards for your old electronics

Bloglines user lucky134me (lky13pt@gmail.com) has sent this item to you.

Alt+Save with the Gadgetress Exploring the technology we live with

RadioShack offers gift cards for your old electronics By Gadgetress on RadioShack If you're about to dump your old iPod, cell phone or other electronic device anyway, you might as well get some money for it, right? RadioShack now offers an electronics trade-in program, which swaps store gift cards for your old e-junk. A lot of this stuff we shouldn't be dumping into the trash anyway because they are considered hazardous e-waste.  I just ran a couple things through the site. My old photo iPod which is in good condition would get me a $35 gift card. My husband's old 14-inch iBook would get me $144.08, although if it was "cosmetically excellent," it'd get us a $192.10 gift card. Not bad! This could come in handy for holiday gift giving. The program accepts GPS devices, MP3 Players, wireless phones, digital camcorders, car audio head units, digital cameras, notebook computers, game consoles and video games. Not on the list: desktop computers. For those, I suggest using Toshiba's trade-in program where you get actual CASH (read "Toshiba's PC recycling program now accepts all e-junk"). Just plug in your details at RadioShack's site: RadioShack.com/tradein. If you accept the price, you print out the pre-paid shipping label, package up the gadget and send it in. The gift card is mailed to you. RadioShack says it issues the gift card 10 to 14 days after the product is received. Related: Toshiba's PC recycling program now accepts all e-junk O.C.'s green award winner turns sewer water into drinking water Free software to help your PC conserve energy Bamboo hard drives NOT made in OC Your cell phone will get a charge out of this bag Intel's tips for conserving PC power and saving money Fullerton students win honors in Microsoft eco-game contest Every thing is going green, even Ethernet Post from: Alt+Save with the Gadgetress RadioShack offers gift cards for your old electronics Comments

The Best Windows XP Tips, Tricks & Hacks

An article from PC Magazine has been sent to you. Follow this link to view the article: The Best Windows XP Tips, Tricks & Hacks

Copyright (c) 2008 Ziff Davis Media Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Bloglines - Criminal Minds: The Audition

Bloglines user lucky134me (lky13pt@gmail.com) has sent this item to you.

WWdN: In Exile Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick!"

Criminal Minds: The Audition By wil@wilwheaton.net (Wil Wheaton) on WWdN in Exile This is the first offiveposts about working on episode four, Paradise, during season four of Criminal Minds.I spoke with CliqueClack.com about some of my production experiences, and I have a gallery of images from the shoot at Flickr. Please note that I've done my best to recreate my interactions with the cast and crew, but this isn't a perfect, literal translation of the entire experience. Working on Criminal Minds was one of the greatest experiences of my professional life. Over the next couple of days, I'm going to publish a series of posts here, in which I will attempt to document, as accurately and thoroughly as possible, what it was like to work on the show. I will begin with the audition. I wrote a little bit about my audition right after it happened: When I was in the room, I didn't think about the people there, I didn't think about what was at stake (directly or indirectly) and I just focused on the person I was reading with. I didn't do anything fancy, just gave them my simple-but-deliberate take on this guy. I felt better than I felt after I sucked out loud last week. I didn't know if I nailed it, but I'd made my deliberate-but-risky choices, and I'd committed to them entirely. Whether I got the job or not, at least I had that to take home with me and keep in a box on the shelf for the weekend. A few hours after I got home, my manager called me. "Well, I have some feedback," he said. "That was fast," I said. "Yeah, I guess they wanted you to know right away that you're hired." "Really?!" I said. I always say that, even though I know that my manager is never going to call me up, tell me a got a job, and then say, "Ha! PSYKE!" "Yes, really." He said. Now that the show has aired, I can talk more specifically about the audition process. I prepared two scenes, the scene with Hotch where I totally fool him into thinking I'm just a normal, non-killing kinda guy who owns a spooky motel, and a scene where I'm about to do very bad things to Abby. The audition was in a one room trailer at Quixote studios in Glendale. It was probably 30 by 50 feet, with several conference tables arranged around three sides. The writers, producers, casting people and the director were all behind one of them. The size of the room could have made it very intimidating, but everyone in it was friendly and welcoming as soon as I walked in. I should note that auditions are not as frequently like this as you'd think. The audition scenes were very short and fairly simple, and I'd been able to memorize them[1]. After I said hello to everyone, I put my sides in my pocket, and began the first of the two scenes. They weren't taping the audition, so I was free to move around and, as they say, "use the space" as much as I wanted. In the first scene, I was friendly, I was concerned about these two people, and I made a genuine effort to be helpful, because that's what I figured this guy would do if he was interviewed by an FBI agent. I felt the scene went well, and my Spidey sense told me that the other people in the room were pleased. We moved to the second scene, where I do Very Bad Things to Abby. It was different in the audition draft of the script than what we eventually filmed, but the essence of the scene was the same. I was cruel, I was sadistic, and I enjoyed her suffering. There was much less dialog in the second scene than there was in the first. I think it was just under a page and a half. I figured that this scene would really live in the gaps between the words, so I took my time when I performed it, and didn't rush my reactions. Because I didn't have the sides in my hands, I could move around a little bit, and I could be physically menacing. There was one exchange where I ask her, "Are you ready?" and she doesn't respond, so I ask her again, a little more forcefully. When we got to that part of the scene, I looked at Erica, the casting associate who was reading with me, and asked her the question. In my mind, I was planning some very awful things. I mean, I was disturbingly committed to this character. I could see the things I was planning to do. I could feel the excitement and satisfaction. It really lived in me, and I could tell that it made her uncomfortable. As Floyd, I enjoyed the hell out of that. It turned Floyd on. When she didn't answer, I took a couple of steps toward her, crouched down close to her, and leaned in, so she was forced to look at me. This was an incredibly risky thing to do, because it nearly broke an unwritten rule about auditions: actors can interact with casting, but only to a point. But at that moment, I had let Floyd take over me. "Are. You. Ready?" I said, Floyd's pure evil flowing freely through me. She shook her head, and I saw tears forming in her eyes. As Floyd, that was awesome. I forget precisely how I reacted to it, but I let the moment linger, and then the scene was over. "Very nice," said Scott David, who is the casting director (and, coincidentally, one of my favorite casting people in the industry. He's up there with Tony Sepulveda.) Scott turned to the director, John Gallager, and said, "Would you like to see anything else?" "No," he said, "but why don't you tell Erica something nice about yourself?" The entire room laughed, like a huge release of tension. I was thrilled that I'd been able to create that moment. I smiled at her and said, "I'm really a nice guy! I'm a total geek, I have two kids, and I'd never hurt anyone, especially you." She blinked back tears and joined in the laughter. I thanked everyone in the room, and Erica walked me out. As soon as the door closed, I said "I'm really sorry. I couldn't have done that if you hadn't given me so much to work with." "Don't be!" She said. "Thank you!" I walked back to my car. I felt good. I felt satisfied. My job as an actor is to go into that room and make an impression. I was pretty confident that I'd done that, and that the impression wasn't "oh man, Wil Wheaton sucks!" On the way home, I deconstructed the experience. I owe a great deal of gratitude to my friend David Lawrence for inspiring me to take such a big creative risk in the audition. David Lawrence is playing Eric Doyle on Heroes this season. He plays a very creepy, very evil, very bad man. Kind of like the character I played on Criminal Minds, maybe without the raping and torturing. David had his Heroes audition right before I had my Criminal Minds audition. David and I rarely talk shop about acting, but when someone you know is on a show like Heroes, you kind of want to know how it all went down, you know? He told me how he created a very lucid reality in his head for his reading. He'd seen and felt what it was like to control people, and let that inspire and guide him through his audition. I thought about that level of total commitment a lot while I prepared my Criminal Minds audition. When I saw that I wouldn't be stuck in the obligatory audition chair or tied to my sides for the reading, I decided to commit to the role completely, physically and emotionally, in ways that usually aren't possible in auditions. I took a huge creative risk, and it paid off. I've written extensively about how I believe actors have to find a way to enjoy themselves whether they book the job or not. I guess it's kind of twisted to say that I enjoyed myself by being such an evil man, but committing to something completely, and refusing to look back until it was all over, was tremendously satisfying. I would soon find out that I had the job before the door had closed behind me. Awesome. Next: The Read Through. [1] We call this being "off-book" and though it's not required, I prefer to be as off-book as possible when I audition, so I can make lots of eye contact and give something that's closer to a performance than a reading. Sometimes, though, this just isn't possible because there's a lot of material or real life doesn't give me enough time to rehearse it enough to feel like I can do it without referring to the sides. It can also really suck if I'm reading with someone who isn't giving me anything to work off of, so even when I am off-book, I usually keep my sides in my hand.

Jerry Lewis!

82-year-old Jerry Lewis says no to retirement - CNN.com* CNN.com will expire this article on 11/23/2008.

Sounds Good!

How to Get Rid of Black Circles Under Your Eyes - wikiHow

How to Get Rid of Black Circles Under Your Eyes - wikiHow

Bloglines - Say bye to Mother's Circus Cookies

Bloglines user lucky134me (lky13pt@gmail.com) has sent this item to you, with the following personal message:

Sad...

---

Fast Food Maven The scoop on fast food and supermarket trends from Nancy Luna.

Say bye to Mother's Circus Cookies By Nancy Luna, Staff Writer and Blogger on treats (See 10/14 update: Can Mother's Cookies make a comeback?) I mourned the loss of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies all weekend. I bought two bags at Fresh & Easy on Saturday and shared them with my family after learning that the cookie company's owner filed for bankruptcy protection last week. The company's financial failure forced it to suddenly shutter its baking and distribution operations on Friday, according to various news reports. Plant workers were told the "cookies would no longer be made" as of today, Oct. 13. The cookie maker's owner, Catterton Partners, cited rising food and fuel prices as the main reasons for filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. The company also makes Archway cookies. Everyone has great childhood memories tied to these wonderfully crunchy white and pink-frosted cookies. I bought some for my daughter's birthday party earlier this year, and every kid — and adult — gobbled them up. No more Circus cookies For me, the demise of Circus Cookies is tragic. This is like Oreo Cookies going down. I suppose the bags I bought over the weekend will be among the last. I've been told stores such as CVS have already been put on notice that they won't be getting anymore supplies starting this week. So, go out and buy a few bags before they disappear from store shelves. I know I plan to stockpile a few more. Comments

Nice Story...

A Child of God

A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, "I hope he doesn't come over here." But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.

"Where are you folks from?" he asked in a friendly voice.

"Oklahoma," they answered.

"Great to have you here in Tennessee," the stranger said. "What do you do for a living?"

"I teach at a seminary," he replied.

"Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I've got a really great story for you." And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple.

The professor groaned and thought to himself, "Great. Just what I need. Another preacher story!"

The man started, "See that mountain over there? (pointing out the restaurant window). Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, 'Who's your daddy?'"

"He would hide at recess and lunchtime from other students. He would avoid going into stores, because that question hurt him so bad. When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?'"

"But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast, he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd.

Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, 'Son, who's your daddy?'"

"The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, 'Who's your daddy?'"

"This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy, 'Wait a minute! I know who you are! I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God.'"

"With that, he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, 'Boy, you've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.'"

"With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your daddy?,' he'd just tell them, 'I'm a child of God.'"

The distinguished gentleman then got up from the table and said, "Isn't that a great story?"

The professor responded that it really was a great story!

As the man turned to leave, he said, "You know, if that new preacher hadn't told me that I was one of God's children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!" And he walked away.

The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over and asked her, "Do you know who that man was? The one who just left that was sitting at our table."

The waitress grinned and said, "Of course! Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's the former governor of Tennessee!"

--Unknown

 

 

A few laughs

A blond, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a "Handy woman" and started canvassing the neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?" The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes." A short time later, the blond handy woman came to the door to collect her money. "You finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her. "And by the way," the blond added... "It's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor? The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Jane had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' Said Tommy. 'What did you watch?' asked Jane. 'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again and slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' 'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents. The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Jane doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son! With that the robot immediately walked around to Jane and knocked her out of her chair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morgan Family

www.howtocleanstuff.net

http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/