Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

> -------------------------
>
> BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
> time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
>
> JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
> because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and
> dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
> road...
>
> SARAH PALIN: BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS
> SORRY LIBERAL ASS OFF FOR BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA!
>
> HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
> that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes
> me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that
> every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to
> cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken
> crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on
> our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against
> us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
>
> DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
> COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can
> clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
> road.
>
> BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
> What is your definition of crossing?
>
> AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
> JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
> road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
> and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am
> not for it now, and will remain against it.
>
> AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some
> black chickens.
>
> DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
> won't realize that he must first deal with the problem
> on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on
> the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him
> realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
> current problems before adding new problems.
>
> OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
> problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.
> So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and
> take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
> this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road
> and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
> chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to
> the other side of the road.
>
> NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
> guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
> American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
> chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers
> Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
> level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
>
> DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
> with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
> crossed I've not been told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you
> people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the
> other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you
> eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott
> all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
> liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
> like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the
> road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
>
> GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken
> crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the
> road, and that was good enough.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few
> moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the
> first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a
> serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
> lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
> roads together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will
> not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
> documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is
> an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much
> more stable and will never crash.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
> did the road move beneath the chicken?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?